I'm revived! I feel as though part of me from a very long time ago has been restored. You know when you're younger, I'm talking 6 or 7, and regardless of what was going on around you, no matter how much you failed, you still felt good because it didn't mean you were less? That feeling that says, "Yeah I'm me and I'm great with that!" I feel that and it's so good. I always look to improve, but I'm not out for pleasing people. I'm me and it's good enough. I'm a big compromiser (middle child thing) and I think I'm done compromising myself. It's like a load off my shoulders. Another thing I feel great about is I was looking for everything in nothing. Let me explain, nothing being a person. Ever since I abandoned nothing-I've been seeing everything. God works in mysterious ways. I've been hanging out with more people, real people who listen, give opinions but can still listen to your without being judgemental, aren't shallow, look at you and still like you-regardless of your faults. It's been such an experience and I'm only at the beginning. I've been growing closer to many friends and God and it's been so different than anything else. I use to rely on one relationship as my saving grace, and unfortunately that relationship wasn't with God. So obviously I never got what I needed and never felt as awesome, loved, and like I have a purpose as I do now. It's like I've been hiding from what I need to do because I was always busy with some relationship. Now I'm single and there's nothing else I'd rather be. God is showing me so much through this. It's funny because I was so lonely when I was in a relationship and now that I'm single I feel so close to everyone else. My Mom and I are probably the best we've ever been, I hang out with good, honest, real people. It's like get rid of the junk in your yard and you'll start seeing the beautiful garden God provides. I'm not lonely because God is always with me, but also I have time for my friends and to help at my church and (I never thought I'd say this) this is so fullfilling and satisfying. I'm working for God and couldn't be happier.
I never believed in people changing, I always thought you just learned how to deal with them, but I know now through the grace of God people change. And I appreciate that fact so much more than I can explain. It's like you put yourself last and you start seeing the beauty in life. It's not about you. I heard that so many times and never fully understood. Granted, it's not always a cake walk, but God's there and more than provides for your needs.
Don't know what got me all preachy, but it's what's on my heart. Hopefully it can help someone out.