I haven't posted for awhile....I've been busy trying to have the "perfect" life. A nice joke I know, but most things are so good-I'm just waiting for something bad. And when things are too good, I know it can't possibly be for me because I don't deserve that goodness, so what do I do? Oh act like a jerk because I'm trying to ruin the goodness. I really don't understand me at all.

Anyway, this song was on my mind and I thought I'd share:

"Cold"

Looking back at me I see

That I never really got it right

I never stopped to think of you

I'm always wrapped up in

Things I cannot win

You are the antidote that gets me by

Something strong

Like a drug that gets me high

[Chorus x2:]

What I really meant to say

Is I'm sorry for the way I am

I never meant to be so cold

And I'm sorry about all the lies

Maybe in a different light

You could see me stand on my own again

Cause now i can see

You were the antidote that got me by

Something strong like a drug that got me high

[Chorus x2]

I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see

The screwed up side of me that I keep

Locked inside of me so deep

It always seems to get to me

I never really wanted you to go

So many things you should have known

I guess for me theres just no hope

I never meant to be so cold

[Chorus x2]

Somedays I feel like this-today was one of them. Sorry world that I can be so cold and not the way I want to be. Put up with me and someday I'll surprise you all and do something great, warm, and loving. That would be the me I'm afraid to let out, the happy me, the real me. But then again I've never been one to let myself be happy. Viscious circle...I know.