Hey hey to the few readers....
So I have less than four months before I'm married...it is somewhat mind boggling. I guess I have surprised myself and can't wait.
My school level of work has moved up about ten notches. I have three classes and in med term there is a test every week. Then in med law and ethics there is a test every two to three weeks, and in clinical lab and procedure there is a test every two weeks and check offs. It's crazy but I'm glad it will make the time go by fast.
I have been looking for a different job because my last job was not giving me hours. This seems to be the worst time to be looking but I'm sure something will come up.
Jeff and I have a house now and two cats and of course my baby emily. that is about it for now.

So I haven't written in a very long time...

I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I didn't get into nursing school, but I have a saved spot for next fall. It's ok because now I can work and try to pay off my bills.

I lost my job and got kicked out of my house. I know it sounds horrible but it's been a blessing. I live with a woman and her 13 year old daughter. It's been interesting but very good. I've been looking for a job for over a month and now I have two. They aren't the greatest, but they are jobs. Eventually, I'll work somewhere good.

I've been doing some really fun things. I went on vacation to Lakeside, Ohio. It was beautiful and so relaxing. Jeff and I got caught in a thunderstorm and got poured on. It was invigorating. I went to a BBQ today and that was fun. Next weekend will be great! I'm going to the Arts, Eats, and Beats and then on sunday the rennesance festival, and monday I don't work. ;)

I'm taking phlebotomy-which should be quiet interesting. I thought it'd help me get ahead on the poking people thing for nursing. So hopefully I'll be good at that.

Not much else is going on... Hopefully I'll keep up better then what I have been.

Well.....

I didn't make it into nursing school this year, but I'm guaranteed to be in next year. I was upset but I know it is probably for the best. I can now work and save up money and pay off my credit cards. Good news-I already paid off the first one. yippee! Two more!

Other things seem to be going well...I mean there's a bump here and there....like tonight. These bumps lead to good conversations and opportunities for growth. It is just not what I always want.

The weather is crazy hot and humid! I don't have air in my car and I was melting. I felt like my face had turned into hot magma.... Hehe it was the volcano layer!

Anyway, not much more to say...I'm boring. ;)

So it's been a hell of a long time! Actually I started a new thing on myspace.com. You should all check it out...I haven't written on it in awhile, but it's got some fun information and cool people on it.

I guess there's been many things that have happened and changed since the last time I posted. I guess some of it's been life changing, the rest is just fading memories. I've started my first nursing class and it freaks me out. I've never felt so much anxiety over a class...I won't know if I'm in the program until June 30th. I think it's more than enough time seeing the semester starts in sept. I don't know why they wait so long because I turned in my application in jan. Yeah, a long waiting time.

I still work at the same shit hole. I wonder if everyone thinks of their job in the same way? It is very monotenous but I'm glad to have a job and make money.

I've met a guy. I know common words for me, but this is different, he's different. We're going on a camping/hiking trip at the end of this month. I'm meeting his best friend and I'm really nervous. Hehe. He's been the most stabil and supportive thing since I've moved back here. It's scary, but I love it. I know not making sense and rambling....

Anyway, I don't know how much I'll get back here but that's the little update for my one reader. Thankyou one reader!

Busy busy busy.
Life has been a crazy whirlwind of emotions and chaos lately. I'm changing and growing and it feels great.
I know that when a fire rips through a forest and destroys everything that new growth appears that only the fire could have brought forth. That's what I feel like. I made it through the fire and am blooming into something new. And I never would have gotten through it without God. He endures my stupidity and selfishness and loves me through it all.

I've been fighting myself for so long and I'm almost to the point where it is well. I don't need to fight with myself because I'm not torn anymore. My wants are right with God and when they're not I don't fight and say, "It's my way." I know there's a purpose for me and I want to follow God so that my purpose is right. I don't want to screw things up with my ways, bitterness, or pride.
Granted, I screw up all the time but it's not like I don't get back up and finish the race.

Anyway, on the other side of things, I have my first test wednesday and I really need to study. I have to make a logo game for the Super Bowl party. Oh, and find a set-up crew. I think it's going to be a great week and hopefully go by relatively quickly.

I love the snow. It's white and clean. Makes everything look bright and new and perfect. It's the exact opposite of the jumbling black chaos I call life.

All together I have had a better week than last week and I was about to boast of not crying, but alas I failed. I cried for approximately 15 minutes tonight. Wishing for things to be different, when in reality I should be thankful I haven't made my life any worse. I don't know who said doing the right thing wasn't always easy, but they sure knew what they were talking about. It's like I'm battling with myself; my spirit is fighting with my heart and my mind is trying to figure it out and settle it down. Sometimes I wish I could take feelings away all together-life might just be easier. I think what I detest about them the most is I can't control them. They pop up out of no where and I might be able to hide them for awhile, but I can't hide forever.

On a happier note I got new tires and they are so much better than my old ones. Granted, anything could be better. Work is good and I thank God for my family and a few good friends. Someday I know I'll match the snow. Granted I'll be dead and in heaven, but hey it'll be good.

I had a pretty good night tonight-I got to hang out with some friends. Some new and some old. I felt bad because I'm not feeling the best shape emotionally(Ok, so I was a wreck and cried all day after about 2pm. Apparently stress and life can do that by themselves because it's not even PMS. Today was like beat up Becky day until about 6pm.), but it can only get better right? I guess I'll just have to have hope in the lyrics.


"...Once all is lost-there's everything left to gain...."

One day at a time.